have u ever look at someone and cant help but feel envious about them??like how come they r so clever and u r not...getting perfect score and u cant...they do not have to worry about money while u even have problem paying your university fees...they get to drive a car when u cant even afford a bicycle...jus for a moment u wish that u were in their place and get a feel of what they r having in their life???u wished u were never born in this place u r in or hope to be at a better one???u cursed every single thing u can just to make yourself feel better for getting jealous about something u dun have...or worse...u cursed your very own parents who brought u to this world.in short, they have everything u dun and they are everything u r not.

i lied down on the grass looking at the sky, so clear and blue, so free and not restricted, i told myself that i am contented with my life!! whats the use of going after something that obviously do not belong to me...contentment is all i need. i also wan to believe that everyone is special in his or her own way!

everywhere we go, we need to associate ourself and try to get along with many different types of people. from different background, different religion to different upbringing which we need to socialize with them and often, we only get close to those which have close resemblance to ourself. of course we do not shut off those whom we think is different from us completely without even putting in the least bit of effort we can to try to understand them. At first, we would seem to be getting along quite good or even better than others. As time passes, we seem to know each other better BUT not on the bright side and its like we see the ugly side of each other more and more. he will then go back to his friends he knows earlier and you will also find that its getting harder and harder to connect with him. that is when u get back to those who have a close resemblance to you. "birds of the same kind flock together" is what most people say!! then u know it is time to stop the session of "get to know each other" with people who are the complete opposite of you.

at least u tried is what u can tell yourself for comforting purposes. maybe it was a mistake to begin with to even think that u can actually be one of them. but now that u realize your mistake, its still not too late to repent! maybe not repent since there is nothing to repent about, you just have to stay away from them until they disappear from your sight which will be soon?? just how soon is soon?? another question u will start to ponder again. just do your own stuff and u will find that time passes damn fast and within a blink of eyes, they will be gone!!! hoooorayyyyyyy!!!

last thing to say, i already know that my "england" is not that good. u might not know it, but i have been trying hard to improve on it. maybe my kind of hard is not even half of what your perception of hard is, i still wan to say that i did try and it just wasnt my cup of tea. so i finally come to conclude that it is time to give up!!!so u can finally stop reminding me just how bad my england is.

• Persistent sadness or feeling down or gloomy
• A loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed, such as socializing with friends and family, most of the day, nearly every day.
• Loss of appetite and loss of weight.
• Insomnia. For some people, on the contrary, they find that they are sleeping more than normal.
• Feeling restless and agitated more easily.
• Feeling tired and having little energy.
• Unable to concentrate and think clearly and thereby becoming indecisive.
• Feeling of worthlessness and quilt
• Recurrent thoughts of death

above are the symptoms of depression. i seriously think i am suffering from it. i just keep committing this mistake over and over again. i have no one to blame except for myself.