Many things happened during the last 10days which caused me to lose a huge tremendous amount of sleep which i would simply call it insomnia. Right now, i am really tired and i still weren't able to fall asleep. I am quite burdened with quite a few things from stuff i know i can't escape and from stuff i newly inquired of.

First, i am very disappointed with myself because of the recent incident that happened between me and one of my friend whom i considered one i should cherish. I was damn guilty because i can stop it from happening if that event that taken place was just pushed back for a day or so. Before it happened, i already told myself that i will treat him better like how i am when i was given a challenge of not being bitchy for the day. I knew that he would prefer our friendship to stay that way since we respect each other more and hurt each other(unknowingly) less in that sense. Too bad for me for my mouth is really cheap i guess and i really did not expect that event to take place. well who would have expected that kind of thing to happen when it was like our normal conversation. sometimes i feel like i would say nonsense when my mind is held up with more important issues like "where can i find the money for my university fees" or "am i making the correct decision by going to architecture since its a freaking long course" or "who is going to take care of my parents while i am busy studying" or "will my parents be fortunate enough to wait for me to support them so that they can start enjoying life" etc etc. so many problems at hand yet so little time for me and them. i see that these are the kind of problems most of them wouldn't have and while being angry at me for jeopardizing their image their characters or their integrity. All i can say i am really really sorry for not being sensitive enough to watch what i said along the way. Or maybe like what he claims to be, i am so bitchy cause i am putting on a facade so people would not notice there is something weighing on my mind. But most of the time, my mouth is so cheap because i think its fun to be talking that way! LOL! Anyway, it already happened and i am also glad that it is settled now but i know it inside that it will never be the same anymore. up till now, i still hope that the incident never occurred at all so that things will not be so awkward and embarrassing now. really sad for the things the way it turned out.

another thing is that joys just told me yesterday some things about the girl i used to like which i never thought would have been the case. i am really quite perturbed by that information for it totally destroys the image of her inside me. so the girl i liked is actually the way i never thought of her to be. well its been so many years already, i think its finally time for me to let go.

last thing last, a friend of me just told me a damn big secret of his which is astounding. i never expected such thing to happen to him, but on the other hand, i actually find it ok for that kind of activity to be occurring between him and the other party. well what to do, i have a liberal mind and i am quite open with the way the world are now. Anyway, he needs my help now and i will give it to him in whatever way he wants it. hope that i can help him get through it and i really do not want him to be guilty about it anymore for i think its really not his fault. been told this kind of big secret of a few already other than him, don't know why they chose to tell me, but i sincerely hope i can make a their life better.

haiz...so tired yet i cant sleep. give me some sleeping pills!!!!!!! LOL...should i be open about my blog now???izzit time already???hahahahahahhaa...actually i also dunoe what i am hiding from...LOLOL